I've been
doing a lot of planning lately. And
making a lot of changes. I think I've
started to think about planning quite differently. I used to be afraid of making any kind of
concrete plan for my life beyond the relatively immediate future because I was
afraid of locking myself into something that I may have wound up being very unhappy
with. I was laboring under the pretense
that talking about the destination, or what I wanted my life to look like,
would somehow make me willing to sacrifice anything in order to get there. I was afraid of being corrupted by the
process and getting myself locked in to a lifestyle or career that made me feel
trapped.
I have
started to think a lot more about responsibility lately, about the sort of life
I envision for the future. And that
doesn't necessarily mean that I want a lot of things in my future, nice as that
may be. I'm more thinking about the type of life that I want to leave for my
children. I want to leave a legacy. I don't want my children to have to
struggle. And I want to help other
people who are struggling, who are born into situations that offer less access
to resources than others. I've always
wanted this but until recently just sort of thought that as long as I do what
feels right all the time then somehow, maybe, someday I'll magically get
there.
I guess
I've been living in a fairy tale.
I
understand now that I have to plan and work hard for the type of future I want
for my children. So I've been making
some plans. But that's been a little bit
scary. Those of you who know me well are
aware that my wife and I have had a difficult last two years, much of that
difficulty stemming from my unwillingness to make a plan for the future, my
fear of getting trapped. It also had to
do with some of the plans I did make not turning out how either of us
expected. It has been a hard road but we
are stronger for it.
Growth
can be a prolonged and arduous process.
Anyway,
all this planning has me thinking a lot about what it means for a plan to be
successful. How do we come to a
determination of whether or not things went "according to plan". After all, a plan is really only our best
judgement of how things will work based on our knowledge and understanding at
any given time. Sometimes circumstances
arise that we could never possibly have predicted and the plan needs to be
adjusted. Given that, I'm not certain
that comparing how things turned out to the original plan and using that as a
metric of success is the best method for determining whether or not a plan
"worked out". That is not an
even comparison, it's apples to oranges.
The plan was made when you were a different person, living under
different circumstances, with a different perspective of the world. Things change. People change. Plans must change.
So what
then is a body to do? Perhaps it is not
about the details of the plan but the underlying goals and motivations that
drive the plan. And don't get me wrong,
I'm no longer an advocate for just not having a plan. That's irresponsible. I should plan. I should budget. I should think ahead, beyond the
gratification of the moment. But I also
know that I'm not trapped by the specifics of that plan because things will
likely change and I will need to adjust my thinking and my plan.
But I
hold on to my goal. I hold on to the
thing that tells me what is important.
For many, that thing is faith.
For others, it is a certain set of principles that they hold on to. A set of rules that guide their
decisions.
I have
goals. I don't want my children to feel
the crushing burden of debt in order to pursue their educational goals. I want to work less and serve more. I want to leave a legacy. I want to make a difference.
What
exactly my future will look like I don't yet know. I'm working on several plans right now and
we'll see how they all pan out. But I
know that I get to be in charge of telling my story and determining what type
of legacy I want to leave for myself.
And I'm
excited. I feel hopeful. I feel alive.
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