Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Don't You See? I Sold Out a Long Time Ago.

For a while now, I've had this idea for a story.  There's this guy who works as a salesman.  He makes calls, he goes door to door, the whole nine yards.  Only he's not selling insurance or air conditioners or anything like that, nothing tangible.  He's selling salvation.

If you were to die tonight, where would you go?  If you simply say this short prayer right here and follow these easy steps, I can get you into eternal life today.  

Ever since I decided to put ads on my blog, I've been feeling self-conscious and nervous because my whole life I wanted to avoid being a "sell-out".  I used to judge bands whose songs I heard on commercials, I hated the fact that I was constantly being marketed to, even when I didn't realize it.  So I certainly did not want to be the guy who just created another place where people had to be forced to experience the horror of seeing advertisements.  But then I realized two things.  One, we're all advertising something (I'll talk about this more in another entry).  And two, I already sold out a long time ago.  

I sold out in Sunday School.  

From as early as I can remember, I was taught a very specific sales pitch with which I was tasked to convince everyone I came into contact with to believe the same things I did.  The world is falling apart. Everyone's a sinner.  If you sin, you have to die and suffer for all eternity.  If you pray this prayer and change your life, you can live forever with me and Jesus.  

And man, was I ever a good salesman.  

I took every opportunity I could to market to people the message that I wanted to share.  I sought out every form of advertising that existed.  Gospel bracelets with multi-colored beads (no shit, each color represented a different part of the gospel story), a Jesus fish on the car, a plethora of Christian t-shirts with one propaganda message or another, the WWJD bracelet, the Christian versions of any band you could name, the Bible always nearby, the constant cheesy smile on my face to show how much better life was with Jesus.  Whatever I could do to let you know that I was a Christian and would love to talk to you about Jesus, I did it.  Yep, I was quite the corporate branding tool.  

So, don't you see?  I already sold out a long time ago.  

Now I might as well try to make some money off it.  

No comments: